Some women are born natural moms. I have friends who are so at ease and natural with a house full of children, that I know they were born to be moms. I, on the other hand, was not born a mom. I knew that I always wanted to be one, but it seemed so out of reach. When I was younger I was bad, like really bad. I was a party girl, a druggie, and severely aware and conscious of my weight. I did not want to ruin my figure by getting pregnant. When I became a mom I thought something magical would happen that would make me a good mom. It was really shocking to me that I was still the same person, only now I had a kid.
As the months passed I began to fall deeply in love with my child. I loved him so much that I wanted his needs met above my own. I wanted to protect him from everything and shelter him from the cold, harsh, fallen world.
Then I had more kids. In that time the Lord began to change things in me. I have known a lot of women over the years that tell me they could never stay home with their kids all day. I actually know what they mean. I am the same type of girl. But because the Lord required something of me, He gave me Himself to be the change that needed to happen. Don't get me wrong, I didn't change. I am still not a "stay-at-home-mom" type, but Christ in me really loves it wants it. If I was not meant to stay at home with them, there would be no way in heck I could do it. Beyond that, the Lord has us homeschooling. I don't care if others send their kids to school or have them do school at home. I don't believe that one way is wrong and the other is right. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to say that, but I truly believe it today. Homeschooling is not the right choice for christian families, but it is the right choice for this christian family.
When I knew that we were meant to homeschool, it was the same deal as when I became a mom. The Lord had to do it through me and be some things in me that I naturally wasn't. I was scared, but the Lord in me was excited and grateful. I remember the day all Thing 1's pre-school supplies showed up at my door. I refer to it each year as "box day" and it's like christmas to a homeschooler. As I pulled out all my workbooks and teacher manuals and charts to hang on the wall, I knew that the Lord would be so proud of how obedient I was being. My kids were going to be so smart and I was going to have them winning all kinds of academic awards and spelling bees and one day the presidential election.
Little did I know at the time that our homeschooling had very little to do with academics. I am going to give a little warning here... I am about to talk about why we homeschool. I have learned that not everyone likes to hear about why people do things differently. I am by no means putting down another's choice. If you put your kids in school and feel bad or insecure about it, or if you feel good and just don't like to hear a difference of opinion, proceed carefully and consider yourself warned. What I am going to write is my very strongly inspired, passionate reason for homeschooling...
Yes, academics are very important. As our taxes increase, literacy level drop, and academic standards are being dumbed down to cover up school ineptitude. Being smart just "ain't" what it used to be. In equipping my little Things for their futures, I want to give them the highest quality education possible. But, this is NOT the main reason we homeschool. Not even close.
The Lord has given Chris and I a strong conviction that He designed our family for the purpose of nurturing an training our children,a model that cannot be replaced by an inferior alternative. Like a classroom. I don't want my little Things to develop unhealthy appetites for peer relationships above parent and sibling relationships. Another reason we hs is that my little ones learn better away from the desk. The school's formula has them confined for hours and so much of it is wasted time, waiting for others to finish. My little students have so many interests and passions that are beginning to sprout. I want them to have time to nurture God given talents. If they went to school all day and then did their origami classes or zumba classes in the evening, then when would we get our family time? Thing 2 goes to speech therapy at the public school 2 days a week. A half an hour each day. What a fricken' inconvenience these therapy classes have been! About a third of them get cancelled, but I don't find out until we've been waiting there for 15 minutes. Even when they do happen on the regular schedule, our morning and our schooling is disrupted by the school's schedule. I can only imagine how much our family would be disrupted if it was an everyday ordeal.
Something that has stood out to me in the last couple of years is how successful the schools have been at removing Christ and maintaining a politically correct stance towards other world religion and cults. My Things love to begin the day with song and prayer. Even when I foolishly want to hurry through those things to get to the academics, they know what's most important in our day.
The most important reason we homeschol is this... Saints are no loger under the law. Saints have freedom in Christ. A Saint's freedom should never be used as a license to sin and/or cause another to stumble. Notice how Brother Paul speaks of the "weak." I became humbly, but powerfully convicted in that my children are the Saints that fall into the category of "weak." They are still growing in their faith, knowledge, and revelation of Him. Unless schools are a completely different entity than they were when I attended them, why would I ever send them to a place that clearly would cause serious harm to their bodies, minds, and souls?
I claim to have no knowledge of God's desire for any one's family but my own. I know some good kids that come out of public school. I don't hate the school system. I wanted to put my kids in school and I am a mom that is okay with that. Unfortunately/Fortunately, the Lord changed me. He changed the plan for these young years of our family. Christ wanted something out of me that I was not capable of doing, so He became the change in me to do it.
That's why we do it.
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Jackie
Friday, October 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
it bugs the hell out of me when people are bully makers
Today I am going to write about a pet peeve, something that really bothers me. Growing up,my mom was always aware of her children's behavior in public as well as at home. She made sure that she didn't have a house full of wild animals. She was as strict as she was loving. When I got older and began "misbehaving" it wasn't due to a lack of punishment or parenting. If anything, the police would shield me from my Mom when she would have to come pick me up at the station. They would calm her down before she got to me. My Mom worked in our town's court system so I am sure it was humiliating for her when I would get arrested.
As a mom, especially a mom of three boys, I am BIG on punishment and teaching correct behavior. It is a process. Kids aren't born knowing how to share or having etiquette. It take a full 18 years to teach those things!
I have noticed that there are 2 types of moms. I see them in the grocery store, at the gym, and basically everywhere in my life. There are the moms that have a realistic view of their own children and reasonable expectations for other's kids. And then there are the moms that expect other people's kids to be well behaved on an adult level and think that their own kids are exceptionally well behaved(but the kids of those moms never are).
Kids are kids. Some are way worse than others, but for the most part, kids with hands on, all in parents all have kids that are kinda' good and kinda' bad.
The thing is, I get real irritated with kids whose moms praise the heck out of them for very simple things and then ignores when their precious gem takes down a whole display at a grocery store!
Because of how I was raised, I am a disciplinarian with my kids. Anyone that knows me knows that my boys get away with nothing in my home. If I don't punish them, it's because they've got permission to do whatever it is they're doing. I also know that when I am not around, they may behave a little worse.
Character training is something we have turned into a "schoolish" subject at home. I know that it's very institutional,but my kids 'get it' when we do it as a subject.
There have been so many times when I have felt judged. My kids misbehave. I am very aware. It is humiliating when it happens in front of other moms or even strangers. I am writing this blog to the moms that are like me... the ones who have normal,sometimes misbehaving, still learning children. This blog is not for the moms of kids who always listen.
I am writing this to affirm you and offer some words of wisdom. I am also writing this because I am a little irritated and it's my opinion blog. When I was in the institutional church as well as in life, the moms that thought their kids were the best behaved were often the moms of the bullies and they didn't even know it.
You can usually tell the difference between the 2 moms in this very simple way... by the reaction she has after you tell her that her child's done something wrong.
I have a toddler. He's 3. When he is with other kids and babies I make sure to have him always put others first. If he has a toy that another kids wants... give it to him. And the key is to teach him to give the toy up cheerfully. It's not enough to share. I don't go overboard praising him for sharing or picking up his mess... he's expected to do those things. I go overboard praising him when he's shown selflessness that is uncommon in kids. It shocks the heck out of me that parents put their little one first when in a group of kids. What is that teaching them? Yes, it's okay when they are little, but those kids end up the nasty ones in the schoolyard playground. My kids get cut in front of in line sometimes. We went to a fair type place a few months ago and they kept getting cut in front of. I let them. Either they choose to stick up for themselves or they choose to be okay with letting others go first. Even when it's unfair. I also saw that the moms who butted in and made sure their kids didn't get cut in front of, had the kids who were butting in line when mom wasn't looking.
I get that it's good to protect our kids. I shelter the heck out of mine. It's good. But I am not writing about sheltering, I am writing about raising bullies and me-first people.
Rant over.
Love,
Jackie
As a mom, especially a mom of three boys, I am BIG on punishment and teaching correct behavior. It is a process. Kids aren't born knowing how to share or having etiquette. It take a full 18 years to teach those things!
I have noticed that there are 2 types of moms. I see them in the grocery store, at the gym, and basically everywhere in my life. There are the moms that have a realistic view of their own children and reasonable expectations for other's kids. And then there are the moms that expect other people's kids to be well behaved on an adult level and think that their own kids are exceptionally well behaved(but the kids of those moms never are).
Kids are kids. Some are way worse than others, but for the most part, kids with hands on, all in parents all have kids that are kinda' good and kinda' bad.
The thing is, I get real irritated with kids whose moms praise the heck out of them for very simple things and then ignores when their precious gem takes down a whole display at a grocery store!
Because of how I was raised, I am a disciplinarian with my kids. Anyone that knows me knows that my boys get away with nothing in my home. If I don't punish them, it's because they've got permission to do whatever it is they're doing. I also know that when I am not around, they may behave a little worse.
Character training is something we have turned into a "schoolish" subject at home. I know that it's very institutional,but my kids 'get it' when we do it as a subject.
There have been so many times when I have felt judged. My kids misbehave. I am very aware. It is humiliating when it happens in front of other moms or even strangers. I am writing this blog to the moms that are like me... the ones who have normal,sometimes misbehaving, still learning children. This blog is not for the moms of kids who always listen.
I am writing this to affirm you and offer some words of wisdom. I am also writing this because I am a little irritated and it's my opinion blog. When I was in the institutional church as well as in life, the moms that thought their kids were the best behaved were often the moms of the bullies and they didn't even know it.
You can usually tell the difference between the 2 moms in this very simple way... by the reaction she has after you tell her that her child's done something wrong.
I have a toddler. He's 3. When he is with other kids and babies I make sure to have him always put others first. If he has a toy that another kids wants... give it to him. And the key is to teach him to give the toy up cheerfully. It's not enough to share. I don't go overboard praising him for sharing or picking up his mess... he's expected to do those things. I go overboard praising him when he's shown selflessness that is uncommon in kids. It shocks the heck out of me that parents put their little one first when in a group of kids. What is that teaching them? Yes, it's okay when they are little, but those kids end up the nasty ones in the schoolyard playground. My kids get cut in front of in line sometimes. We went to a fair type place a few months ago and they kept getting cut in front of. I let them. Either they choose to stick up for themselves or they choose to be okay with letting others go first. Even when it's unfair. I also saw that the moms who butted in and made sure their kids didn't get cut in front of, had the kids who were butting in line when mom wasn't looking.
I get that it's good to protect our kids. I shelter the heck out of mine. It's good. But I am not writing about sheltering, I am writing about raising bullies and me-first people.
Rant over.
Love,
Jackie
Monday, October 24, 2011
babytime
A Sister in Christ is having her baby today. The little guy is a few weeks early so we are holding on to the hope that he won't have to spend anytime in the NICU. He has very strong and faithful parents so I know the Lord is with them no matter what the day holds. She had surgery this morning and we should be hearing some news shortly... it's hard waiting.
Another Sister in the Lord has been sharing some of her birth stories in a blog. Oh how I enjoy reading birth stories! As I read it brings me back to that very special season in my life when I had my babies. All three births were very different from each other. There are so many moms in my life that have shared birth stories with me lately. Maybe it's because of all the Sister in my life having babies. Some are even having them at home. It has inspired me to write about birth. I thought about maybe writing out each of my birth stories and taking that trip down memory lane...
I have three little Things at home. Thing 1 was a traumatic and painful birth/recovery. I was induced because of pre-eclampsia. I had high blood pressure, protein in the urine, and my feet were too swollen to walk. The OB had told me I was walking the "fine line" with what he was comfortable with. So I was induced with pitocin, which I nicknamed Satan Serum. The contractions were hard, forced, and much more painful than normal contractions. I had to wait around for an epidural for hours and remember biting pillows and screaming the F-bomb often(which was very uncommon for me.) I got the epidural and then had to push the kid out. I couldn't feel a darn thing and so I pushed so hard that I did permanent damage to my body. After Thing 1 came out and I was all stitched up, the nurses gathered in my room to look at my girl parts as if it was an alien. They had never seen such damaged girl parts after a normal birth. I couldn't walk normally for weeks and was in a lot of pain for about 8 weeks. After that I was so confused when I saw woman on tv or something that had a baby and was able to walk. I thought all births were as awful as mine. I know now that my bladder prolapsed during that birth. I guess it's no surprise that I was depressed and didn't feel like a mom after that. I hurried back to work as quick as possible and cared more about my social life than being a mom. I was angry.
Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with Thing 2. The pregnancy was rough. My sinus problems were ridiculous and I had a cold for 8 months. The birth was flawless and painless and I don't remember much emotion being tied to it. I got the pain meds as soon as I felt pain and I got the epidural shortly after. I didn't have to even push, the slippery little Thing came right out.
Thing 3 was by far the best birth. I was on bed rest for the last trimester because when I got up to do things I either would bleed or go into early labor. I was scared. I had marginal placenta previa. It's something that women today still die of during childbirth. There is no way to stop it. Fortunately my placenta moved enough that I was able to have a natural childbirth. I had considered having him at home, but knew that there was a chance we would need emergency medical attention. I wasn't about to risk my life for the experience of a home birth. I also knew that with placenta previa, I could bleed out and die within 20 minutes if the birth went badly. My home was about that far from the hospital.
My doctor was a rock star! I had no drugs and used pure human/animal instinct to get through the pain. Low breathes, deep, relaxing breathing, and eye contact with my hubby. That's what got me through the pain. I relaxed my way through the birth and it was amazing. After Thing 3 was born I felt joy and not an ounce of depression or pain. I don't know if it was coincidence or because it was drug free, who knows, who cares?
So there they are, my birth stories. I could go more in depth with the third one. I got so into natural childbirth during that time. Being on bed rest I got lots of time to read, join online doula groups, and practice things like the Bradley method of childbirth. Sometimes I feel like when I go on about natural birth, those who didn't do it feel as though I am judging them, which I'm not. But still, I usually only talk to women who want to about the natural, intervention free childbirth process when they bring it up first.
Hopefully you've made it to the end. And also, if you read my blogs I am sure you notice a lot of grammatical errors... some of my computer keys don't work as well as the others so I have to go back and press really really hard to get certain letters to type. Also, my spellcheck isn't very smart and seems to miss some words. :(
So, I am not an idiot... just have an old keyboard and a lazy spellcheck.
Thanks for reading anyway!
Love,
Jackie
Another Sister in the Lord has been sharing some of her birth stories in a blog. Oh how I enjoy reading birth stories! As I read it brings me back to that very special season in my life when I had my babies. All three births were very different from each other. There are so many moms in my life that have shared birth stories with me lately. Maybe it's because of all the Sister in my life having babies. Some are even having them at home. It has inspired me to write about birth. I thought about maybe writing out each of my birth stories and taking that trip down memory lane...
I have three little Things at home. Thing 1 was a traumatic and painful birth/recovery. I was induced because of pre-eclampsia. I had high blood pressure, protein in the urine, and my feet were too swollen to walk. The OB had told me I was walking the "fine line" with what he was comfortable with. So I was induced with pitocin, which I nicknamed Satan Serum. The contractions were hard, forced, and much more painful than normal contractions. I had to wait around for an epidural for hours and remember biting pillows and screaming the F-bomb often(which was very uncommon for me.) I got the epidural and then had to push the kid out. I couldn't feel a darn thing and so I pushed so hard that I did permanent damage to my body. After Thing 1 came out and I was all stitched up, the nurses gathered in my room to look at my girl parts as if it was an alien. They had never seen such damaged girl parts after a normal birth. I couldn't walk normally for weeks and was in a lot of pain for about 8 weeks. After that I was so confused when I saw woman on tv or something that had a baby and was able to walk. I thought all births were as awful as mine. I know now that my bladder prolapsed during that birth. I guess it's no surprise that I was depressed and didn't feel like a mom after that. I hurried back to work as quick as possible and cared more about my social life than being a mom. I was angry.
Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with Thing 2. The pregnancy was rough. My sinus problems were ridiculous and I had a cold for 8 months. The birth was flawless and painless and I don't remember much emotion being tied to it. I got the pain meds as soon as I felt pain and I got the epidural shortly after. I didn't have to even push, the slippery little Thing came right out.
Thing 3 was by far the best birth. I was on bed rest for the last trimester because when I got up to do things I either would bleed or go into early labor. I was scared. I had marginal placenta previa. It's something that women today still die of during childbirth. There is no way to stop it. Fortunately my placenta moved enough that I was able to have a natural childbirth. I had considered having him at home, but knew that there was a chance we would need emergency medical attention. I wasn't about to risk my life for the experience of a home birth. I also knew that with placenta previa, I could bleed out and die within 20 minutes if the birth went badly. My home was about that far from the hospital.
My doctor was a rock star! I had no drugs and used pure human/animal instinct to get through the pain. Low breathes, deep, relaxing breathing, and eye contact with my hubby. That's what got me through the pain. I relaxed my way through the birth and it was amazing. After Thing 3 was born I felt joy and not an ounce of depression or pain. I don't know if it was coincidence or because it was drug free, who knows, who cares?
So there they are, my birth stories. I could go more in depth with the third one. I got so into natural childbirth during that time. Being on bed rest I got lots of time to read, join online doula groups, and practice things like the Bradley method of childbirth. Sometimes I feel like when I go on about natural birth, those who didn't do it feel as though I am judging them, which I'm not. But still, I usually only talk to women who want to about the natural, intervention free childbirth process when they bring it up first.
Hopefully you've made it to the end. And also, if you read my blogs I am sure you notice a lot of grammatical errors... some of my computer keys don't work as well as the others so I have to go back and press really really hard to get certain letters to type. Also, my spellcheck isn't very smart and seems to miss some words. :(
So, I am not an idiot... just have an old keyboard and a lazy spellcheck.
Thanks for reading anyway!
Love,
Jackie
Friday, October 14, 2011
over sheltered child of God
This blog entry is kind of a 2 in 1. 1)I am "pro" sheltering the heck out of kids, and 2)finding the Lord in being at home.
Am I sheltering my children? Do you shelter your children?
In several places I think "shelter" has become a bad, bad word. What does the word shelter mean? Protect. Defend. Guard. Preserve. Watch over. Shield. Safeguard.
So far, so good. Until pop psychology comes in and tells us that we should allow our children to taste a little of the world in order to understand it or pray for it. One of the worst arguments I have ever heard(but not from anyone I know personally) for sending a kid to school is so that they can get used to the harsh "real" world. Seriously.
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. ~Psalm 61:3
For a year now I have been looking for acceptance and love in Christ. I have looked for it in others, in books, or in beholding Him. And then as I listened to my littlest thing, Thing 3, tell me he loved me this morning I knew it was from God. For a year I was so concerned with not placing my children before Christ, that I ended up placing a few things before my children.
I am going to keep sheltering them. I am going to walk in obedience to the Lord.
I prayed to the Lord for child a long time ago. I was a party girl and I was drunk. I had just come home from a fun night out with friends. As I was getting ready for bed in the early morning, I told God I was ready for a change. I was ready to have a family and be a mom. Of course I went to bed and the next night went out for drinks after work again! But less than a month later I became pregnant in a very unexpected circumstance.
I was not a mom type person, and I still might not be, but I love my kids much more than my own life.
Right now they come first. The Lord lives within me and to say that He comes first would be ridiculous because then I would also need to say things like "my lungs come first, and my brain comes first" since I also need those things to live. So, my kids come first. And it occurred to me last night as I talked with a friend that maybe this is why the Lord has me in such a lonely place... so I can spend the time on my husband, children, and home.
My Lord dwells in them and I have been searching for Him and not finding Him because I was not satisfied with pouring myself into my family at home. And by Him taking away most body life I have been overlooking the obvious... He wants me looking for Him right where I'm at. The Lord is sheltering me at home right now as I shelter my kids at home.
I like being given the time and the guidance to over-shelter my 3,5, and 7 year old. I like homeschooling and being able to spend all the time we need on what they need help with most. I like making education enjoyable for them. I know that they would hate school! They are too social to be able to sit in a desk surrounded by kids all day and not play or hang out with them. I like that I get to choose their friends. I like that I am able to provide each child the individual diet that helps their bodies work best. I like that we follow a Charlotte Mason philosophy in our daily life and in all we do.
I thank the Lord for sheltering me. Thank you Lord for over-defending me, for over-guarding me, and for keeping me safe at your side.
Thanks for reading,
Love,
Jackie
Am I sheltering my children? Do you shelter your children?
In several places I think "shelter" has become a bad, bad word. What does the word shelter mean? Protect. Defend. Guard. Preserve. Watch over. Shield. Safeguard.
So far, so good. Until pop psychology comes in and tells us that we should allow our children to taste a little of the world in order to understand it or pray for it. One of the worst arguments I have ever heard(but not from anyone I know personally) for sending a kid to school is so that they can get used to the harsh "real" world. Seriously.
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. ~Psalm 61:3
For a year now I have been looking for acceptance and love in Christ. I have looked for it in others, in books, or in beholding Him. And then as I listened to my littlest thing, Thing 3, tell me he loved me this morning I knew it was from God. For a year I was so concerned with not placing my children before Christ, that I ended up placing a few things before my children.
I am going to keep sheltering them. I am going to walk in obedience to the Lord.
I prayed to the Lord for child a long time ago. I was a party girl and I was drunk. I had just come home from a fun night out with friends. As I was getting ready for bed in the early morning, I told God I was ready for a change. I was ready to have a family and be a mom. Of course I went to bed and the next night went out for drinks after work again! But less than a month later I became pregnant in a very unexpected circumstance.
I was not a mom type person, and I still might not be, but I love my kids much more than my own life.
Right now they come first. The Lord lives within me and to say that He comes first would be ridiculous because then I would also need to say things like "my lungs come first, and my brain comes first" since I also need those things to live. So, my kids come first. And it occurred to me last night as I talked with a friend that maybe this is why the Lord has me in such a lonely place... so I can spend the time on my husband, children, and home.
My Lord dwells in them and I have been searching for Him and not finding Him because I was not satisfied with pouring myself into my family at home. And by Him taking away most body life I have been overlooking the obvious... He wants me looking for Him right where I'm at. The Lord is sheltering me at home right now as I shelter my kids at home.
I like being given the time and the guidance to over-shelter my 3,5, and 7 year old. I like homeschooling and being able to spend all the time we need on what they need help with most. I like making education enjoyable for them. I know that they would hate school! They are too social to be able to sit in a desk surrounded by kids all day and not play or hang out with them. I like that I get to choose their friends. I like that I am able to provide each child the individual diet that helps their bodies work best. I like that we follow a Charlotte Mason philosophy in our daily life and in all we do.
I thank the Lord for sheltering me. Thank you Lord for over-defending me, for over-guarding me, and for keeping me safe at your side.
Thanks for reading,
Love,
Jackie
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