Today I am going to write about a pet peeve, something that really bothers me. Growing up,my mom was always aware of her children's behavior in public as well as at home. She made sure that she didn't have a house full of wild animals. She was as strict as she was loving. When I got older and began "misbehaving" it wasn't due to a lack of punishment or parenting. If anything, the police would shield me from my Mom when she would have to come pick me up at the station. They would calm her down before she got to me. My Mom worked in our town's court system so I am sure it was humiliating for her when I would get arrested.
As a mom, especially a mom of three boys, I am BIG on punishment and teaching correct behavior. It is a process. Kids aren't born knowing how to share or having etiquette. It take a full 18 years to teach those things!
I have noticed that there are 2 types of moms. I see them in the grocery store, at the gym, and basically everywhere in my life. There are the moms that have a realistic view of their own children and reasonable expectations for other's kids. And then there are the moms that expect other people's kids to be well behaved on an adult level and think that their own kids are exceptionally well behaved(but the kids of those moms never are).
Kids are kids. Some are way worse than others, but for the most part, kids with hands on, all in parents all have kids that are kinda' good and kinda' bad.
The thing is, I get real irritated with kids whose moms praise the heck out of them for very simple things and then ignores when their precious gem takes down a whole display at a grocery store!
Because of how I was raised, I am a disciplinarian with my kids. Anyone that knows me knows that my boys get away with nothing in my home. If I don't punish them, it's because they've got permission to do whatever it is they're doing. I also know that when I am not around, they may behave a little worse.
Character training is something we have turned into a "schoolish" subject at home. I know that it's very institutional,but my kids 'get it' when we do it as a subject.
There have been so many times when I have felt judged. My kids misbehave. I am very aware. It is humiliating when it happens in front of other moms or even strangers. I am writing this blog to the moms that are like me... the ones who have normal,sometimes misbehaving, still learning children. This blog is not for the moms of kids who always listen.
I am writing this to affirm you and offer some words of wisdom. I am also writing this because I am a little irritated and it's my opinion blog. When I was in the institutional church as well as in life, the moms that thought their kids were the best behaved were often the moms of the bullies and they didn't even know it.
You can usually tell the difference between the 2 moms in this very simple way... by the reaction she has after you tell her that her child's done something wrong.
I have a toddler. He's 3. When he is with other kids and babies I make sure to have him always put others first. If he has a toy that another kids wants... give it to him. And the key is to teach him to give the toy up cheerfully. It's not enough to share. I don't go overboard praising him for sharing or picking up his mess... he's expected to do those things. I go overboard praising him when he's shown selflessness that is uncommon in kids. It shocks the heck out of me that parents put their little one first when in a group of kids. What is that teaching them? Yes, it's okay when they are little, but those kids end up the nasty ones in the schoolyard playground. My kids get cut in front of in line sometimes. We went to a fair type place a few months ago and they kept getting cut in front of. I let them. Either they choose to stick up for themselves or they choose to be okay with letting others go first. Even when it's unfair. I also saw that the moms who butted in and made sure their kids didn't get cut in front of, had the kids who were butting in line when mom wasn't looking.
I get that it's good to protect our kids. I shelter the heck out of mine. It's good. But I am not writing about sheltering, I am writing about raising bullies and me-first people.
Rant over.
Love,
Jackie
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