removing specks

It's a crunchy mom kind of day. I am feeling exhausted from a night without good sleep and have decided to take a day "off". Last night I was up every hour or so after having nightmares... extremely vivid and scary nightmares. I took melatonin(completely natural sleep aid that I take every so often) and can't believe that I reacted to it this way. Take caution when reading, I need to vent...
Maybe because of how I got pregnant, maybe because I was a single mom for the first few years(I moved in with my parents to give the hubby time to get his crap together), maybe because I have the special bond with my boys that my mom had with me, maybe because of these things I have become very, very close and protective over my family. I believe in Christ and look to His words often that talk about how we should protect our children. In today's world it can be a bad thing. I am one of the only friends I know anymore that practice attachment parenting. It can be hard and sometimes I want to throw in the towel. But when I see my boys making good decisions and becoming people that are too good to ever have come out of me, I know I am doing the right thing.
The first attitude that we have adopted is acceptance. If anything my family is doing causes us to feel elite, we're doing the wrong thing. Here and there since becoming a mom, shots get taken due to another mom's insecurity, due to misunderstandings, due to simply being a busybody, due to just being in a fallen world. Sometimes it can be harsh. We teach or kids to ignore what the world is doing. We teach that you are not always going to get rewarded for good behavior, that's not how our home works and that's not how life works. What they will get is to not go to their beds for the day, and one day to not get fired. Good reward is it's own behavior because they can be proud of the decent ethic they've developed. Sometimes I wonder if the world is creating punks that feel entitled to something because they haven't committed any crimes, when years ago it was just expected. Kids today won't behave if there's no tangible reward.
Another frustration that I'm dealing with big time right now has to do with homeschooling. One of the big, very practical reasons for hs'ing is so that the boys are not around certain behaviors all day long. Some might call it controlling, but I'm not concerned with the wisdom of man. I'm aware and protective of those they get close to. I tried heroin for the first time and lost my virginity before I hit puberty because of the friends I had. You had better believe that I am going to have a say in who they spend time with and who they behave like. Anyone who thinks that's controlling, probably got to have a normal childhood.
I am not going to abandon what the Lord is doing in our family just because He has another family on a different plan. I have seen the Lord do things that I don't understand. I actually tried talking Chris into quitting his job a year ago so that we could trust the Lord to take care of us financially(through our family and church). He didn't,that was not our plan to follow. I see that we are asked different things by our Lord. Sometimes what we are asked has some to do with what we've been through. Sometimes it's just what will help us grow the most. I can't expect another mom to understand that I'm not dropping my kid off to hang out with bad kids all day. But I am not going to try to follow someone else's plan either. Especially someone that I don't think is that great of a parent.
Chris and I are in organic church. When I want to see how things have been done before, I don't ask a pastor(anymore), but look to the early church. Christ gives us our past to answer our questions. The early workers give us charges as guidelines. They give us the practical of what's right and what's wrong. I take them seriously and don't throw them out the window just because I'm free. I believe in giving each other room to carry out Christ's desires for each of us, even if we don't understand them. Everyone that the Lord created(which is EVERYONE) deserves the right to have their life and family under Him. It gets sticky when we only allow certain plans room to breathe and demand that others get squashed.
I take pride in being careful with my words, try not to gossip, try not to practice intolerance(especially when most christians are blatant hypocrites when it comes to abortion and being gay), and let bad drivers sometimes cut me off when I'm driving. But I will not abandon the plan that was laid out before our family. There is room for Christ, and His plan in my life, they coexist. Anyone that can't handle that, should take a good look at their own plan and not throw stones at glass houses.
I know a guy that would love to be a part of an organic church. He is invested in the lives of organic church individuals all over the country. I wonder if anyone would dare say to his face that he isn't not following God's plan because he can't move? He is living in a place where no organic church exists, but his job is there. The Lord doesn't have us all doing the same thing. But those who develop a top dog mentality all of the sudden become okay with judging others. They encourage others to do what they themselves won't do. That's where this blog came from.
Christ came to love. He gives us each what we need in order to know Him better, in order that He is expressed, and so that we can experience with Him a love that's existed before time began. All else is secondary and filler so we can just relax. There's nothing so big or important that we need to worry about anything else other than what's on our own plate. The minute we take our eyes off of what's been entrusted to us, is the minute we become off course. We don't need to worry about why someone else needs something, or does something. If Christ has a part in any of it, we can trust it.
Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for reading!
Love,
Jackie