Headaches, nausea, exhaustion, and pain; I've got them all. I would say that I'm pretty healthy so I wouldn't have thought this detox/cleanse would be so hard on me, but it is. I am thrilled to be having these side effects because they are all caused by toxins and "extras" dying off. I consider gluten, yeast, gastrointestinal bacterias, and a ton of other things I don't even know about to be "extras." I was doing okay before, but b no means felt great. On the road to feeling healthier, I must pass through the days/weeks of dying. Man, the parallel between this and our relationship with the Lord is so thick, I don't even have to spell it out.
So something that I was thinking about today was how I only wanted to feel minor symptoms and not really feel sick like I do. But when I felt noticeably worse than expected I got excited thinking about all the nasty things in me being killed and if I felt better, they wouldn't be dying off.
In my own life I get jealous, frustrated, and mad when I don't get my own way. I want my family, my social life, my church, and all my projects going on to go smoothly and be easy. I see it happen for others and wonder how I too can get everything to mold around me so flawlessly. And after a conversation about this with my husband, I felt encouraged.
If issues never came up in my family, I never would have grown to know myself the way I do. If my husband didn't have an aneurysm and need to be in the Mayo, I never would have found that I am the strongest girl I know(don't get your panties in a twist, I am fully aware that it was the Lord providing the strength). If I didn't feel so lonely in my current life, I never would have looked beyond my friends, family, and church to find the Source. I would have been content living off of other's Christ and never would have sought Him out in the fabulous way I did. If I never had bipolar, and crisis, and was never violated, I would not know joy, contentment, and peace in the way I do. Although sometimes I do feel like a tortured soul, I know Christ has carved out depth in me. Everything that hurts brings about growth, EVERYTHING. I may not always find out how, but I know that my Lord is so intricate and crafty that He wastes nothing.
I am actually to a place where I worry if things start going my way. If I am feeling popular, or I feel Christ is molding into what I want Him to be a little to easily, or if I am content in silly physical things like accomplishing everything on my list... my growth is stagnant. The only good feelings I trust are the ones that lead to gratitude and love.
I have to go now. Thing 1 is getting homeschool evaluated and I need to prepare. Thanks for reading me.
Love,
Jackie
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