Parenting is often a thankless job. It feels like I am failing sometimes. When the kids do great and I couldn't be prouder, it feels like I am doing an amazing job.
I have been asking myself the question lately, how much of parenting is "up to me" to do and how much of it is the Lord's hand? This reveals just how much I did not understand about the Lord and parenting.
I live as though it were completely up to me. I put so much pressure on myself that at times when I'm failing it's unbearable. I am learning to live by Christ's life. It's a process I am in. But when it comes to parenting how does that play out?
I used to think that I was an individual(in the Lord) with individual kids(that are individually in the Lord). I started to read a book I got at the library recently. It was a book written by a homeschool mom and the journey her family has taken. I got bored so 2 chapters in I stopped reading. It was full of bible verses that were taken out of context. It didn't sit well with me at all, but I couldn't figure out why until this morning. I don't believe the same things I used to. The old mindset was that I do my best, and then the Lord fills in the wholes and gaps. I can see plainly now the difference of when I(Jackie in the flesh) am behaving and parenting from the times when Christ is being magnified within. I am raising my children in Christ... I am in Christ and they are in Christ(hopefully) and we are all in "here" together.
Because I am in Christ I have trust and faith that no matter how many mistakes I make as a parent the Christ within us is bigger.
The importance of motherhood... why is it so important? It isn't, apart from Christ. Being a mom is important because I am the vessel with which Christ will use to raise my kids. I am the direct line of Christ's practical love from the Lord, to my little ones. In a human being, I have never seen a love as big or as strong as the love a parent has for a child. All that love, how can it exsist if not from the One who is love? That love comes form within, it's not external. Direct proof that the Lord is within us.
I used to think that raising kids was a speed-bump in the road of all the important things the Lord had in store for me. It does not feel like an important job when I am knee deep in laundry, I haven't spent enough quality time enjoying my little one's presence, and I am taking yet another day off of school to run errands and go to appointments. Times like those make it easy to look at other families and compare where I am falling short. Whoever invented the myth of the "supermom" should be shot. No one is doing everything, all the time. Some weeks I have more body life and more things accomplished in the grown up world, but only 2 days of learning. And sometimes I don't see another grown-up all week, but I feel great about all the learning we've done. I don't know if we'll ever have a balanced week full of rich body life, where all my clothes are cleaned and ironed, all of our breakfasts are warm and NOT bowls of cereal, and we are on schedule according to my homeschool plan book. I used to pray for supernatural strength. I thought the Lord wanted that for me. The goal was to accomplish all these things, right? What was the point of me staying at home if the Lord wasn't going to perfect my homemaking skills?
My whole mindset was still concentrating on completing a list of chores in record time. And on that list of chores was quality time with my kids. Isn't that pathetic? The pressure had turned what is supposed to be an organic love filled relationship into a another thing on my list. Deja vu.
Children are a gift from the Lord. They are the straight arrows(hopefully) that we are sending into the future. My relationship with my kids, my love for them, and the task of growing them up in the Lord are all shadows of my relationship with Christ. It doesn't need to be perfect because He is perfect. I don't have to "do the best I can and He'll fill in the rest" because that would imply doing anything in my own strength. Simply resting in the Lord and allowing His love and life to flow through will accomplish more than giving myslef a list of demands.
When the Lord appeared on earth, things happened. Things we can't explain. That's what happens when I die to myself and allow Christ to live my life. I was so scared that nothing would get done if I rested in Him. I didn't trust Him. I honestly didn't think He even cared about my homemaking because my 'real' work was to come when the kids are grown and gone.
Today I don't care about anything except resting in Christ. I trust that when I die inside to my desires, my instincts, my plan, and my adgenda, that what the Lord wants to get done will get done. And it will get done better.
What that looks like on a practical level kind of scares me because I freak out when my home is messy, but sometimes it needs to be messy. I get twitchy when the laundry piles up, but I no longer cancel time with Saints so I can stay home and do laundry.
That's all for now, thanks for reading.
Love,
Jackie
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