where I belong

This morning I felt uneasy about something. I woke up feeling that way. It's got nothing to do with being a crunchy mama so maybe I should write it in the other blog, but I ended up here, so...
Chris and I are different. Even in a group full of different people, we are different. I have never found a place quite so as accepting and forgiving as where we are now, but we still don't quite fit the same way the others do.
We have 2 months left on our lease and I have been leaning towards moving back to where hubby's job is. He drives 3 to 4 hours each day to get to and from work. He also has to be up very ealry in the morning and in turn go to bed very early at night to get there in time.
There is a sadness, a lonliness here that I have never known before. During the day it truly feels as though I am cut off from the world in my own little cave. I know Christ differently than I used to, but everyone knows that it doesn't mean I don't know lonliness.
I just joined a homeschool group that I am pretty excited about. These women were overjoyed to have me join. So maybe I'll stay for another year.
Sometimes I am amazed at how alike Chris and I are with our social anxieties. Why couldn't at least one of us be extroverted? Two introverted people hanging out at home all the time with our kids.
I am happy with the kids. They are good kids. Now that Hunter is on the autism diet and schedule of supplements he is making leaps and bounds in his healing. I could not be more impressed with how much love was being held prisoner in his little heart. He really is a sweet little boy outside of the label of autism.
I am very happy with our homeschooling. It is a full time job right now. We have found what works best for us and I am seeing results that are beyond anything I have done in my own power. Now that we have this homeschool group we will be able to do fun things like science fairs, do field trips with other families, and play homeschool sports.
Maybe that is where I'll find my niche? Although I am first a christian, Christ lives within me, I am a homeschooling mom. A very passionate, active one. I love to write about it, I love to do it, and I love to help others with it.
I think that the problem with my uneasiness might have been that I was trying to sit around all day expressing Christ when really I am supposed to be pouring myself into the world of homeschooling by day.
I think the homeschool group is the one place on earth, in all of history, that I will fit flawlessly into. My identity is in Christ and my fulfillment is in Him, but my time, passion, and gifts will be utilized in the homeschool community.
I think this is what I'll call "The End of My Identity Crisis."
All this time I have been trying to insert myself in a place where I wasn't supposed to put ALL my effort and time.
I love the Lord. I love how He changes all the time and that He truly is elusive. I have been so restless trying to pull Him out of thin air. All this time all I needed to do was look for Him where my passion is.
I have so much of Christ to share in this homeschooling group. So much of Him within me that I want to express outside of this house.
Having this group is going to be the missing piece to our lives here. When we lived in Jacksonville I know I couldn't have made it without my homeschooling mom friends. Hopefully getting out with these other moms will ease the lonliness.
I will be sure to blog about the journey as I go.
Thanks for reading me.
Love,
Jackie