It's been a while since I've written about anything other than homeschooling in this blog. I thought I'd write about the gym today.
My husband got me a gym membership almost 2 months ago. The gym has a great childcare facility and that was the main selling point for us. If we were going to continue living in a town 2 hours away(with traffic at rush hour) from hubby's work, I need some sort of help. But we could not afford a nanny, not even for one day a week. I had also been struggling to lose the weight I gained after my hysterectomy 2 years ago. For months we had talked about getting me a gym membership, but the one closest to us had no childcare. I would never be able to go.
A Saint in our community started working in a gym a while back. My husband went in to do a trial membership and he was sold that this would be a great solution for us. I go almost every day. There have only been 4 or 5 days that I have not gone. The benefits of exercise have been incredible. I had forgotten how good it feels after a strenuous workout. I have a treadmill at home, but it was boring and I had to stop often to punish the kids.
Most days we finish school by 1, we eat lunch and then head to the gym. Some days we go earlier. I value and protect that time. When we first talked about getting this membership I felt guilty. Taking that time and money away from my family had me nervous. I already felt like there weren't enough hours in the day, how was I going to fit in time to workout too? Also, I usually get so disgustingly sweaty, that I need to shower while there too. Where was I going to get all this time? Fortunately, my husband's wisdom far surpassed mine. He saw all the benefits that I couldn't at the time. All I saw was the burden I would be laying on us financially.
For the first time in years I am losing weight and gaining muscle. My husband is complimenting the changes he sees which makes me feel like a teen with a crush.:) I used to drink a venti(that means 20oz, which is a LARGE) Starbucks several times a week. Working out as hard as I do, in addition to knowing the sacrifice Chris made for me to go to the gym, it helped to break my Starbucks addiction. I am more conscious of every calorie and sweet thing that goes in my mouth. The money we have spent on a membership, we have saved by not buying junk.
Probably the greatest benefit is my sanity. I wrote in the beginning that I guard my time at the gym closely. I went from being stressed out all the time to feeling calm and grateful. There have been moments where I have felt anxious, depressed, or been angry at someone and I go to the gym, get that time alone, and can usually sort it out before I leave. There is a mental clarity that happens when my physical self in being worked out. I have sought the Lord in my time alone and have found Him there.
A long time ago I had an eating disorder. It was a serious problem at one point. I have ravaged my body in my addiction to losing weight. It ended when I was forced into a hospital up in NY after my esophagus tore and I was vomiting blood. Since then I have had to be very careful when exercising or fasting. Those things can be hurtful to me if I am doing them in my own strength. When I joined this gym it was very tempting at first to go twice a day(it's open 24 hours)... once during the day with the kids and once at night after they go to bed. It was also tempting to step on the scale(something I really can't do) and begin the obsession. But those things didn't happen. I didn't "try really hard" to make them not happen. I feel like this time and rest is a gift from the Lord. I am lucky to have a family that understands I need a break. I am lucky to have a family that wants me to have a break. I am grateful for this change that has made all the difference. I don't feel like I want to move back to Jax all the time so I can have the rest. Now that I am getting a break I am free to enjoy my time in Gainesville. Christ brought me rest in the form Gainesville Health and Fitness.
There are going to be those who don't understand. I wouldn't have a year and a half ago. I was good at being a mom before. Then we moved and Chris is gone all the time. I have been feeling overworked and lonely. I have doubted Christ or that He was even in me. I can say with all honesty that He has shown Himself to be my rest through my struggles and relief. If you are a mom, and you are having a hard time at the moment... hang tight. Christ will be your life vest too.
Thank you for reading!
Love,
Jackie
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
the Holy Spirit and a tailor made life
Last night I came home from a church meeting overwhelmed by the living Spirit of God within me. I began to write and write. Through writing I discovered that the Lord leads us to what is good for us. His will is never forceful and His judgement is held back from His children. We don't know exactly who his children are, but I He created all of us to be His. It used to be that those who said the "sinner's prayer" were saved. Saved from a fiery damnation to hell. Now I know better. We don't know what's in a person's heart. We can profess Christ all day long... the demons even knew who Christ was. But, we never know what's in another's heart just by what they say. We don't know who we'll see in heaven.
I have taken a hiatus from books(except the bible, I read that often, but not out of religious obligation... I read it when He draws me to it). The Lord has got me. He is the One that brings about change within. If I try to encourage a change within myself, it is very short lived. For that reason, reading christian books, even organic church books, is frustrating for me. I want to read these books and then encourage the change I read about to happen. I am unsatisfied with Christ in my life until I can be what the book wants me to be.
Chris and I enjoy a natural and organic way of living. We make all our own cleaning detergents, soaps, and sprays. We eat all organic fruits, vegetables, and meats. We homeschool and home church. Except for (organic)coffee, I have been rid of bad daily habits. For a year and a half we have seen the benefits of living this way and it has been a pitfall in my spirit. I have felt that I was better than those who did life differently. I thought that I was special because I was "let in" on the secret to a healthier lifestyle. I was boasting within.
When filled to the brim with the Holy Spirit, I can see the wretchedness in myself. I can see that it was Christ who drew me gently and slowly into a lifestyle very different from the one I had created for myself. Christ revealed Himself and His design for my family. He was humble about it. He sent those didn't judge, but who were patient and accepting while sharing information.
In addition to friends, family, and His Spirit in me, I have found practical instruction in the bible. This is not the same as when I pulled verses out here and there and made them fit what I was doing. The Holy Spirit is directing my heart when I read these verses. Because I am secure in the Lord directing my time with Him, I know that He directs others do different conclusions.
For example... Eph. 6:4. The Lord has placed on my heart the responsibility of homeschooling my children to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Because when I read this I joyfully accept what He's placed on my heart. It's confirmed through in other ways. For three and a half years so far I have taken this to mean that all parents who want to raise their children in this way need to homeschool. I have read into it my own fears... mainly that if I sent my kids to school, the time in that environment would undo all the good Christ is doing in their hearts. And this is true for MY kids. Fortunately, this verse can simply be a parenting verse for many families. Christ puts in our hearts what we need to know to carry out His life within us.
A few years ago I thought that there was a recipe for becoming a christian. I had verses to back it up. But, as Christ came and dwelled in my heart, He became alive and nothing else I do can compare or even matter. I could never read the bible again, I could never go to a time of teaching again, I could never another devotion(it's typically an hour where christians read the bible and pray)... I could never do those things again an not only prosper in Christ, but be better for it. The indwelling life of Christ is no match for the outwardly things we do. In the past this is how I would know other christians. Add to the list of outwardly things: speaking "christian-ese"(the art of speaking the popular christian lingo). These things are how I would know christians.
Today I know it by the life of Christ. The Lord loves all people. Most people I know love Him back. And it's got nothing to do with a steeple or a newcomers class or a five fold ministry.
Thanks for reading me!
Love,
Jackie
I have taken a hiatus from books(except the bible, I read that often, but not out of religious obligation... I read it when He draws me to it). The Lord has got me. He is the One that brings about change within. If I try to encourage a change within myself, it is very short lived. For that reason, reading christian books, even organic church books, is frustrating for me. I want to read these books and then encourage the change I read about to happen. I am unsatisfied with Christ in my life until I can be what the book wants me to be.
Chris and I enjoy a natural and organic way of living. We make all our own cleaning detergents, soaps, and sprays. We eat all organic fruits, vegetables, and meats. We homeschool and home church. Except for (organic)coffee, I have been rid of bad daily habits. For a year and a half we have seen the benefits of living this way and it has been a pitfall in my spirit. I have felt that I was better than those who did life differently. I thought that I was special because I was "let in" on the secret to a healthier lifestyle. I was boasting within.
When filled to the brim with the Holy Spirit, I can see the wretchedness in myself. I can see that it was Christ who drew me gently and slowly into a lifestyle very different from the one I had created for myself. Christ revealed Himself and His design for my family. He was humble about it. He sent those didn't judge, but who were patient and accepting while sharing information.
In addition to friends, family, and His Spirit in me, I have found practical instruction in the bible. This is not the same as when I pulled verses out here and there and made them fit what I was doing. The Holy Spirit is directing my heart when I read these verses. Because I am secure in the Lord directing my time with Him, I know that He directs others do different conclusions.
For example... Eph. 6:4. The Lord has placed on my heart the responsibility of homeschooling my children to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Because when I read this I joyfully accept what He's placed on my heart. It's confirmed through in other ways. For three and a half years so far I have taken this to mean that all parents who want to raise their children in this way need to homeschool. I have read into it my own fears... mainly that if I sent my kids to school, the time in that environment would undo all the good Christ is doing in their hearts. And this is true for MY kids. Fortunately, this verse can simply be a parenting verse for many families. Christ puts in our hearts what we need to know to carry out His life within us.
A few years ago I thought that there was a recipe for becoming a christian. I had verses to back it up. But, as Christ came and dwelled in my heart, He became alive and nothing else I do can compare or even matter. I could never read the bible again, I could never go to a time of teaching again, I could never another devotion(it's typically an hour where christians read the bible and pray)... I could never do those things again an not only prosper in Christ, but be better for it. The indwelling life of Christ is no match for the outwardly things we do. In the past this is how I would know other christians. Add to the list of outwardly things: speaking "christian-ese"(the art of speaking the popular christian lingo). These things are how I would know christians.
Today I know it by the life of Christ. The Lord loves all people. Most people I know love Him back. And it's got nothing to do with a steeple or a newcomers class or a five fold ministry.
Thanks for reading me!
Love,
Jackie
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
a way within the way
Today I want to write about homeschooling because it makes me happy. We change all the time. I am constantly finding better was to do things, better books to use, better websites and magazines to read. Sometimes it comes from my homeschooling friends, they share about what works for them. Sometimes I just stumble upon a new "thing" as I browse catalogs and blogs. In the beginning I couldn't wait until I was a few years out in our hs journey and I would have everything nailed down. In the future I saw well planned days, me and the kids flawlessly gliding through each day filled with all kinds of curriculum and learning. Here we are four years out and I have realized something important. Because of how my brain works, I will never be satisfied to use the same workbook with each kid every other year. I have discovered what works for us and it's not a curriculum, it's a philosophy. It's the Charlotte Mason method. This woman was a teacher that believed in treating children as individuals, among other things. Before she died, she wrote a series of books on her philosophy, her reasons, her experiments, and everything she discovered about children. (It's called Charlotte Mason's Original Homeschooing Series if you are interested in reading it)
I have read this collection of books as well as most other published books on this philosophy. If there was a Charlotte Mason class, you had better believe I would have paid to go to that too!
Since learning about what I wanted for our family I have tried to piece together the perfect curriculum that Miss Mason would have approved of. And it doesn't exist. What's great for one child is too intense or too boring for another. There is one way for my family to hs, but within that way, there are multiple choices.
I am one of those people that can't follow a strict schedule or guide. If I write our week out ahead of time, I know we are sure to deviate and follow rabbit trails at some point. I write it out anyway because it's important to have a guide, but we leave lots of room for life to happen. I was with a friend last night and I was letting her know that I could help with certain thing she needed help with. She asked me "what about your schooling?" It was easy for me to say with confidence that I have found the kids are happier, and therefore learn more, when we leave room for life. We school in a very natural way and blend learning into our day(most days) that we are always ahead. That tends to be common with homeschoolers.
CM is big on schedules so I have what works for us, I have what I call a general 4-part schedule. I divide the day into 4 periods of time between breakfast and dinner. Each part has a general time frame, but I am not strict about it. We also take one day off each week. Most weeks it's Wednesday, but if it needs to be another day we switch it. Also, we are only as relaxed as we are because first we created good habits. And as the kids go through growth spurts there are constantly new habits and character traits that need to be "taught" for lack of a better word.
Again, it fits very nicely into the CM method of learning. If we are on a roll and want to plow through several months of school in only one month, that fits. If we take time off to be a part of life, that fits too.
While I am well versed in the Charlotte Mason ways of schooling, I am no further along in finding that "one way" for our family to do things. One book is great for Thing 1, but Thing 2 doesn't get the appeal. We do spiral workbooks for Thing 2 and Thing 1 prefers the mastery approach to math. The cool thing is, it all fits. And that's the beauty of it all. I can use one way, a narrow way in today's world, and have room to move around within that way. Because I have an understanding of the philosophy I am free to move around within in.
So, here I am four years into the journey. My kids have no idea what a public school day is like. They have been with me from birth. And I haven't screwed them up. I also haven't found the one magic curriculum that works for us. One year it's Heart of Dakota and the next I am a Sonlight girl. We have also done KONOS successfully and plan on using My Father's World for 4th/2nd/K grades. We will do it as a family. Thing 1 has soared with one Language arts book and Thing 2 is having success with another. And my hope is that Thing 3 will require a completely different book than the first 2 all together (because I hate going through the same curriculum twice.)
I like that we know where we are going. And I like that I have the freedom to pick and choose what we do within the style of learning. Most of life is kind of like that.
Thanks for reading... I needed to write today and I wanted it to be light. If you are not a homeschooler than this was probably so boring to you that you did not even finish. Feel free to comment and let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas, especially if you are a CM family too.
Love,
Jakie
I have read this collection of books as well as most other published books on this philosophy. If there was a Charlotte Mason class, you had better believe I would have paid to go to that too!
Since learning about what I wanted for our family I have tried to piece together the perfect curriculum that Miss Mason would have approved of. And it doesn't exist. What's great for one child is too intense or too boring for another. There is one way for my family to hs, but within that way, there are multiple choices.
I am one of those people that can't follow a strict schedule or guide. If I write our week out ahead of time, I know we are sure to deviate and follow rabbit trails at some point. I write it out anyway because it's important to have a guide, but we leave lots of room for life to happen. I was with a friend last night and I was letting her know that I could help with certain thing she needed help with. She asked me "what about your schooling?" It was easy for me to say with confidence that I have found the kids are happier, and therefore learn more, when we leave room for life. We school in a very natural way and blend learning into our day(most days) that we are always ahead. That tends to be common with homeschoolers.
CM is big on schedules so I have what works for us, I have what I call a general 4-part schedule. I divide the day into 4 periods of time between breakfast and dinner. Each part has a general time frame, but I am not strict about it. We also take one day off each week. Most weeks it's Wednesday, but if it needs to be another day we switch it. Also, we are only as relaxed as we are because first we created good habits. And as the kids go through growth spurts there are constantly new habits and character traits that need to be "taught" for lack of a better word.
Again, it fits very nicely into the CM method of learning. If we are on a roll and want to plow through several months of school in only one month, that fits. If we take time off to be a part of life, that fits too.
While I am well versed in the Charlotte Mason ways of schooling, I am no further along in finding that "one way" for our family to do things. One book is great for Thing 1, but Thing 2 doesn't get the appeal. We do spiral workbooks for Thing 2 and Thing 1 prefers the mastery approach to math. The cool thing is, it all fits. And that's the beauty of it all. I can use one way, a narrow way in today's world, and have room to move around within that way. Because I have an understanding of the philosophy I am free to move around within in.
So, here I am four years into the journey. My kids have no idea what a public school day is like. They have been with me from birth. And I haven't screwed them up. I also haven't found the one magic curriculum that works for us. One year it's Heart of Dakota and the next I am a Sonlight girl. We have also done KONOS successfully and plan on using My Father's World for 4th/2nd/K grades. We will do it as a family. Thing 1 has soared with one Language arts book and Thing 2 is having success with another. And my hope is that Thing 3 will require a completely different book than the first 2 all together (because I hate going through the same curriculum twice.)
I like that we know where we are going. And I like that I have the freedom to pick and choose what we do within the style of learning. Most of life is kind of like that.
Thanks for reading... I needed to write today and I wanted it to be light. If you are not a homeschooler than this was probably so boring to you that you did not even finish. Feel free to comment and let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas, especially if you are a CM family too.
Love,
Jakie
Friday, October 28, 2011
homeschooling in the Lord's strength
Some women are born natural moms. I have friends who are so at ease and natural with a house full of children, that I know they were born to be moms. I, on the other hand, was not born a mom. I knew that I always wanted to be one, but it seemed so out of reach. When I was younger I was bad, like really bad. I was a party girl, a druggie, and severely aware and conscious of my weight. I did not want to ruin my figure by getting pregnant. When I became a mom I thought something magical would happen that would make me a good mom. It was really shocking to me that I was still the same person, only now I had a kid.
As the months passed I began to fall deeply in love with my child. I loved him so much that I wanted his needs met above my own. I wanted to protect him from everything and shelter him from the cold, harsh, fallen world.
Then I had more kids. In that time the Lord began to change things in me. I have known a lot of women over the years that tell me they could never stay home with their kids all day. I actually know what they mean. I am the same type of girl. But because the Lord required something of me, He gave me Himself to be the change that needed to happen. Don't get me wrong, I didn't change. I am still not a "stay-at-home-mom" type, but Christ in me really loves it wants it. If I was not meant to stay at home with them, there would be no way in heck I could do it. Beyond that, the Lord has us homeschooling. I don't care if others send their kids to school or have them do school at home. I don't believe that one way is wrong and the other is right. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to say that, but I truly believe it today. Homeschooling is not the right choice for christian families, but it is the right choice for this christian family.
When I knew that we were meant to homeschool, it was the same deal as when I became a mom. The Lord had to do it through me and be some things in me that I naturally wasn't. I was scared, but the Lord in me was excited and grateful. I remember the day all Thing 1's pre-school supplies showed up at my door. I refer to it each year as "box day" and it's like christmas to a homeschooler. As I pulled out all my workbooks and teacher manuals and charts to hang on the wall, I knew that the Lord would be so proud of how obedient I was being. My kids were going to be so smart and I was going to have them winning all kinds of academic awards and spelling bees and one day the presidential election.
Little did I know at the time that our homeschooling had very little to do with academics. I am going to give a little warning here... I am about to talk about why we homeschool. I have learned that not everyone likes to hear about why people do things differently. I am by no means putting down another's choice. If you put your kids in school and feel bad or insecure about it, or if you feel good and just don't like to hear a difference of opinion, proceed carefully and consider yourself warned. What I am going to write is my very strongly inspired, passionate reason for homeschooling...
Yes, academics are very important. As our taxes increase, literacy level drop, and academic standards are being dumbed down to cover up school ineptitude. Being smart just "ain't" what it used to be. In equipping my little Things for their futures, I want to give them the highest quality education possible. But, this is NOT the main reason we homeschool. Not even close.
The Lord has given Chris and I a strong conviction that He designed our family for the purpose of nurturing an training our children,a model that cannot be replaced by an inferior alternative. Like a classroom. I don't want my little Things to develop unhealthy appetites for peer relationships above parent and sibling relationships. Another reason we hs is that my little ones learn better away from the desk. The school's formula has them confined for hours and so much of it is wasted time, waiting for others to finish. My little students have so many interests and passions that are beginning to sprout. I want them to have time to nurture God given talents. If they went to school all day and then did their origami classes or zumba classes in the evening, then when would we get our family time? Thing 2 goes to speech therapy at the public school 2 days a week. A half an hour each day. What a fricken' inconvenience these therapy classes have been! About a third of them get cancelled, but I don't find out until we've been waiting there for 15 minutes. Even when they do happen on the regular schedule, our morning and our schooling is disrupted by the school's schedule. I can only imagine how much our family would be disrupted if it was an everyday ordeal.
Something that has stood out to me in the last couple of years is how successful the schools have been at removing Christ and maintaining a politically correct stance towards other world religion and cults. My Things love to begin the day with song and prayer. Even when I foolishly want to hurry through those things to get to the academics, they know what's most important in our day.
The most important reason we homeschol is this... Saints are no loger under the law. Saints have freedom in Christ. A Saint's freedom should never be used as a license to sin and/or cause another to stumble. Notice how Brother Paul speaks of the "weak." I became humbly, but powerfully convicted in that my children are the Saints that fall into the category of "weak." They are still growing in their faith, knowledge, and revelation of Him. Unless schools are a completely different entity than they were when I attended them, why would I ever send them to a place that clearly would cause serious harm to their bodies, minds, and souls?
I claim to have no knowledge of God's desire for any one's family but my own. I know some good kids that come out of public school. I don't hate the school system. I wanted to put my kids in school and I am a mom that is okay with that. Unfortunately/Fortunately, the Lord changed me. He changed the plan for these young years of our family. Christ wanted something out of me that I was not capable of doing, so He became the change in me to do it.
That's why we do it.
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Jackie
As the months passed I began to fall deeply in love with my child. I loved him so much that I wanted his needs met above my own. I wanted to protect him from everything and shelter him from the cold, harsh, fallen world.
Then I had more kids. In that time the Lord began to change things in me. I have known a lot of women over the years that tell me they could never stay home with their kids all day. I actually know what they mean. I am the same type of girl. But because the Lord required something of me, He gave me Himself to be the change that needed to happen. Don't get me wrong, I didn't change. I am still not a "stay-at-home-mom" type, but Christ in me really loves it wants it. If I was not meant to stay at home with them, there would be no way in heck I could do it. Beyond that, the Lord has us homeschooling. I don't care if others send their kids to school or have them do school at home. I don't believe that one way is wrong and the other is right. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to say that, but I truly believe it today. Homeschooling is not the right choice for christian families, but it is the right choice for this christian family.
When I knew that we were meant to homeschool, it was the same deal as when I became a mom. The Lord had to do it through me and be some things in me that I naturally wasn't. I was scared, but the Lord in me was excited and grateful. I remember the day all Thing 1's pre-school supplies showed up at my door. I refer to it each year as "box day" and it's like christmas to a homeschooler. As I pulled out all my workbooks and teacher manuals and charts to hang on the wall, I knew that the Lord would be so proud of how obedient I was being. My kids were going to be so smart and I was going to have them winning all kinds of academic awards and spelling bees and one day the presidential election.
Little did I know at the time that our homeschooling had very little to do with academics. I am going to give a little warning here... I am about to talk about why we homeschool. I have learned that not everyone likes to hear about why people do things differently. I am by no means putting down another's choice. If you put your kids in school and feel bad or insecure about it, or if you feel good and just don't like to hear a difference of opinion, proceed carefully and consider yourself warned. What I am going to write is my very strongly inspired, passionate reason for homeschooling...
Yes, academics are very important. As our taxes increase, literacy level drop, and academic standards are being dumbed down to cover up school ineptitude. Being smart just "ain't" what it used to be. In equipping my little Things for their futures, I want to give them the highest quality education possible. But, this is NOT the main reason we homeschool. Not even close.
The Lord has given Chris and I a strong conviction that He designed our family for the purpose of nurturing an training our children,a model that cannot be replaced by an inferior alternative. Like a classroom. I don't want my little Things to develop unhealthy appetites for peer relationships above parent and sibling relationships. Another reason we hs is that my little ones learn better away from the desk. The school's formula has them confined for hours and so much of it is wasted time, waiting for others to finish. My little students have so many interests and passions that are beginning to sprout. I want them to have time to nurture God given talents. If they went to school all day and then did their origami classes or zumba classes in the evening, then when would we get our family time? Thing 2 goes to speech therapy at the public school 2 days a week. A half an hour each day. What a fricken' inconvenience these therapy classes have been! About a third of them get cancelled, but I don't find out until we've been waiting there for 15 minutes. Even when they do happen on the regular schedule, our morning and our schooling is disrupted by the school's schedule. I can only imagine how much our family would be disrupted if it was an everyday ordeal.
Something that has stood out to me in the last couple of years is how successful the schools have been at removing Christ and maintaining a politically correct stance towards other world religion and cults. My Things love to begin the day with song and prayer. Even when I foolishly want to hurry through those things to get to the academics, they know what's most important in our day.
The most important reason we homeschol is this... Saints are no loger under the law. Saints have freedom in Christ. A Saint's freedom should never be used as a license to sin and/or cause another to stumble. Notice how Brother Paul speaks of the "weak." I became humbly, but powerfully convicted in that my children are the Saints that fall into the category of "weak." They are still growing in their faith, knowledge, and revelation of Him. Unless schools are a completely different entity than they were when I attended them, why would I ever send them to a place that clearly would cause serious harm to their bodies, minds, and souls?
I claim to have no knowledge of God's desire for any one's family but my own. I know some good kids that come out of public school. I don't hate the school system. I wanted to put my kids in school and I am a mom that is okay with that. Unfortunately/Fortunately, the Lord changed me. He changed the plan for these young years of our family. Christ wanted something out of me that I was not capable of doing, so He became the change in me to do it.
That's why we do it.
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Jackie
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
it bugs the hell out of me when people are bully makers
Today I am going to write about a pet peeve, something that really bothers me. Growing up,my mom was always aware of her children's behavior in public as well as at home. She made sure that she didn't have a house full of wild animals. She was as strict as she was loving. When I got older and began "misbehaving" it wasn't due to a lack of punishment or parenting. If anything, the police would shield me from my Mom when she would have to come pick me up at the station. They would calm her down before she got to me. My Mom worked in our town's court system so I am sure it was humiliating for her when I would get arrested.
As a mom, especially a mom of three boys, I am BIG on punishment and teaching correct behavior. It is a process. Kids aren't born knowing how to share or having etiquette. It take a full 18 years to teach those things!
I have noticed that there are 2 types of moms. I see them in the grocery store, at the gym, and basically everywhere in my life. There are the moms that have a realistic view of their own children and reasonable expectations for other's kids. And then there are the moms that expect other people's kids to be well behaved on an adult level and think that their own kids are exceptionally well behaved(but the kids of those moms never are).
Kids are kids. Some are way worse than others, but for the most part, kids with hands on, all in parents all have kids that are kinda' good and kinda' bad.
The thing is, I get real irritated with kids whose moms praise the heck out of them for very simple things and then ignores when their precious gem takes down a whole display at a grocery store!
Because of how I was raised, I am a disciplinarian with my kids. Anyone that knows me knows that my boys get away with nothing in my home. If I don't punish them, it's because they've got permission to do whatever it is they're doing. I also know that when I am not around, they may behave a little worse.
Character training is something we have turned into a "schoolish" subject at home. I know that it's very institutional,but my kids 'get it' when we do it as a subject.
There have been so many times when I have felt judged. My kids misbehave. I am very aware. It is humiliating when it happens in front of other moms or even strangers. I am writing this blog to the moms that are like me... the ones who have normal,sometimes misbehaving, still learning children. This blog is not for the moms of kids who always listen.
I am writing this to affirm you and offer some words of wisdom. I am also writing this because I am a little irritated and it's my opinion blog. When I was in the institutional church as well as in life, the moms that thought their kids were the best behaved were often the moms of the bullies and they didn't even know it.
You can usually tell the difference between the 2 moms in this very simple way... by the reaction she has after you tell her that her child's done something wrong.
I have a toddler. He's 3. When he is with other kids and babies I make sure to have him always put others first. If he has a toy that another kids wants... give it to him. And the key is to teach him to give the toy up cheerfully. It's not enough to share. I don't go overboard praising him for sharing or picking up his mess... he's expected to do those things. I go overboard praising him when he's shown selflessness that is uncommon in kids. It shocks the heck out of me that parents put their little one first when in a group of kids. What is that teaching them? Yes, it's okay when they are little, but those kids end up the nasty ones in the schoolyard playground. My kids get cut in front of in line sometimes. We went to a fair type place a few months ago and they kept getting cut in front of. I let them. Either they choose to stick up for themselves or they choose to be okay with letting others go first. Even when it's unfair. I also saw that the moms who butted in and made sure their kids didn't get cut in front of, had the kids who were butting in line when mom wasn't looking.
I get that it's good to protect our kids. I shelter the heck out of mine. It's good. But I am not writing about sheltering, I am writing about raising bullies and me-first people.
Rant over.
Love,
Jackie
As a mom, especially a mom of three boys, I am BIG on punishment and teaching correct behavior. It is a process. Kids aren't born knowing how to share or having etiquette. It take a full 18 years to teach those things!
I have noticed that there are 2 types of moms. I see them in the grocery store, at the gym, and basically everywhere in my life. There are the moms that have a realistic view of their own children and reasonable expectations for other's kids. And then there are the moms that expect other people's kids to be well behaved on an adult level and think that their own kids are exceptionally well behaved(but the kids of those moms never are).
Kids are kids. Some are way worse than others, but for the most part, kids with hands on, all in parents all have kids that are kinda' good and kinda' bad.
The thing is, I get real irritated with kids whose moms praise the heck out of them for very simple things and then ignores when their precious gem takes down a whole display at a grocery store!
Because of how I was raised, I am a disciplinarian with my kids. Anyone that knows me knows that my boys get away with nothing in my home. If I don't punish them, it's because they've got permission to do whatever it is they're doing. I also know that when I am not around, they may behave a little worse.
Character training is something we have turned into a "schoolish" subject at home. I know that it's very institutional,but my kids 'get it' when we do it as a subject.
There have been so many times when I have felt judged. My kids misbehave. I am very aware. It is humiliating when it happens in front of other moms or even strangers. I am writing this blog to the moms that are like me... the ones who have normal,sometimes misbehaving, still learning children. This blog is not for the moms of kids who always listen.
I am writing this to affirm you and offer some words of wisdom. I am also writing this because I am a little irritated and it's my opinion blog. When I was in the institutional church as well as in life, the moms that thought their kids were the best behaved were often the moms of the bullies and they didn't even know it.
You can usually tell the difference between the 2 moms in this very simple way... by the reaction she has after you tell her that her child's done something wrong.
I have a toddler. He's 3. When he is with other kids and babies I make sure to have him always put others first. If he has a toy that another kids wants... give it to him. And the key is to teach him to give the toy up cheerfully. It's not enough to share. I don't go overboard praising him for sharing or picking up his mess... he's expected to do those things. I go overboard praising him when he's shown selflessness that is uncommon in kids. It shocks the heck out of me that parents put their little one first when in a group of kids. What is that teaching them? Yes, it's okay when they are little, but those kids end up the nasty ones in the schoolyard playground. My kids get cut in front of in line sometimes. We went to a fair type place a few months ago and they kept getting cut in front of. I let them. Either they choose to stick up for themselves or they choose to be okay with letting others go first. Even when it's unfair. I also saw that the moms who butted in and made sure their kids didn't get cut in front of, had the kids who were butting in line when mom wasn't looking.
I get that it's good to protect our kids. I shelter the heck out of mine. It's good. But I am not writing about sheltering, I am writing about raising bullies and me-first people.
Rant over.
Love,
Jackie
Monday, October 24, 2011
babytime
A Sister in Christ is having her baby today. The little guy is a few weeks early so we are holding on to the hope that he won't have to spend anytime in the NICU. He has very strong and faithful parents so I know the Lord is with them no matter what the day holds. She had surgery this morning and we should be hearing some news shortly... it's hard waiting.
Another Sister in the Lord has been sharing some of her birth stories in a blog. Oh how I enjoy reading birth stories! As I read it brings me back to that very special season in my life when I had my babies. All three births were very different from each other. There are so many moms in my life that have shared birth stories with me lately. Maybe it's because of all the Sister in my life having babies. Some are even having them at home. It has inspired me to write about birth. I thought about maybe writing out each of my birth stories and taking that trip down memory lane...
I have three little Things at home. Thing 1 was a traumatic and painful birth/recovery. I was induced because of pre-eclampsia. I had high blood pressure, protein in the urine, and my feet were too swollen to walk. The OB had told me I was walking the "fine line" with what he was comfortable with. So I was induced with pitocin, which I nicknamed Satan Serum. The contractions were hard, forced, and much more painful than normal contractions. I had to wait around for an epidural for hours and remember biting pillows and screaming the F-bomb often(which was very uncommon for me.) I got the epidural and then had to push the kid out. I couldn't feel a darn thing and so I pushed so hard that I did permanent damage to my body. After Thing 1 came out and I was all stitched up, the nurses gathered in my room to look at my girl parts as if it was an alien. They had never seen such damaged girl parts after a normal birth. I couldn't walk normally for weeks and was in a lot of pain for about 8 weeks. After that I was so confused when I saw woman on tv or something that had a baby and was able to walk. I thought all births were as awful as mine. I know now that my bladder prolapsed during that birth. I guess it's no surprise that I was depressed and didn't feel like a mom after that. I hurried back to work as quick as possible and cared more about my social life than being a mom. I was angry.
Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with Thing 2. The pregnancy was rough. My sinus problems were ridiculous and I had a cold for 8 months. The birth was flawless and painless and I don't remember much emotion being tied to it. I got the pain meds as soon as I felt pain and I got the epidural shortly after. I didn't have to even push, the slippery little Thing came right out.
Thing 3 was by far the best birth. I was on bed rest for the last trimester because when I got up to do things I either would bleed or go into early labor. I was scared. I had marginal placenta previa. It's something that women today still die of during childbirth. There is no way to stop it. Fortunately my placenta moved enough that I was able to have a natural childbirth. I had considered having him at home, but knew that there was a chance we would need emergency medical attention. I wasn't about to risk my life for the experience of a home birth. I also knew that with placenta previa, I could bleed out and die within 20 minutes if the birth went badly. My home was about that far from the hospital.
My doctor was a rock star! I had no drugs and used pure human/animal instinct to get through the pain. Low breathes, deep, relaxing breathing, and eye contact with my hubby. That's what got me through the pain. I relaxed my way through the birth and it was amazing. After Thing 3 was born I felt joy and not an ounce of depression or pain. I don't know if it was coincidence or because it was drug free, who knows, who cares?
So there they are, my birth stories. I could go more in depth with the third one. I got so into natural childbirth during that time. Being on bed rest I got lots of time to read, join online doula groups, and practice things like the Bradley method of childbirth. Sometimes I feel like when I go on about natural birth, those who didn't do it feel as though I am judging them, which I'm not. But still, I usually only talk to women who want to about the natural, intervention free childbirth process when they bring it up first.
Hopefully you've made it to the end. And also, if you read my blogs I am sure you notice a lot of grammatical errors... some of my computer keys don't work as well as the others so I have to go back and press really really hard to get certain letters to type. Also, my spellcheck isn't very smart and seems to miss some words. :(
So, I am not an idiot... just have an old keyboard and a lazy spellcheck.
Thanks for reading anyway!
Love,
Jackie
Another Sister in the Lord has been sharing some of her birth stories in a blog. Oh how I enjoy reading birth stories! As I read it brings me back to that very special season in my life when I had my babies. All three births were very different from each other. There are so many moms in my life that have shared birth stories with me lately. Maybe it's because of all the Sister in my life having babies. Some are even having them at home. It has inspired me to write about birth. I thought about maybe writing out each of my birth stories and taking that trip down memory lane...
I have three little Things at home. Thing 1 was a traumatic and painful birth/recovery. I was induced because of pre-eclampsia. I had high blood pressure, protein in the urine, and my feet were too swollen to walk. The OB had told me I was walking the "fine line" with what he was comfortable with. So I was induced with pitocin, which I nicknamed Satan Serum. The contractions were hard, forced, and much more painful than normal contractions. I had to wait around for an epidural for hours and remember biting pillows and screaming the F-bomb often(which was very uncommon for me.) I got the epidural and then had to push the kid out. I couldn't feel a darn thing and so I pushed so hard that I did permanent damage to my body. After Thing 1 came out and I was all stitched up, the nurses gathered in my room to look at my girl parts as if it was an alien. They had never seen such damaged girl parts after a normal birth. I couldn't walk normally for weeks and was in a lot of pain for about 8 weeks. After that I was so confused when I saw woman on tv or something that had a baby and was able to walk. I thought all births were as awful as mine. I know now that my bladder prolapsed during that birth. I guess it's no surprise that I was depressed and didn't feel like a mom after that. I hurried back to work as quick as possible and cared more about my social life than being a mom. I was angry.
Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with Thing 2. The pregnancy was rough. My sinus problems were ridiculous and I had a cold for 8 months. The birth was flawless and painless and I don't remember much emotion being tied to it. I got the pain meds as soon as I felt pain and I got the epidural shortly after. I didn't have to even push, the slippery little Thing came right out.
Thing 3 was by far the best birth. I was on bed rest for the last trimester because when I got up to do things I either would bleed or go into early labor. I was scared. I had marginal placenta previa. It's something that women today still die of during childbirth. There is no way to stop it. Fortunately my placenta moved enough that I was able to have a natural childbirth. I had considered having him at home, but knew that there was a chance we would need emergency medical attention. I wasn't about to risk my life for the experience of a home birth. I also knew that with placenta previa, I could bleed out and die within 20 minutes if the birth went badly. My home was about that far from the hospital.
My doctor was a rock star! I had no drugs and used pure human/animal instinct to get through the pain. Low breathes, deep, relaxing breathing, and eye contact with my hubby. That's what got me through the pain. I relaxed my way through the birth and it was amazing. After Thing 3 was born I felt joy and not an ounce of depression or pain. I don't know if it was coincidence or because it was drug free, who knows, who cares?
So there they are, my birth stories. I could go more in depth with the third one. I got so into natural childbirth during that time. Being on bed rest I got lots of time to read, join online doula groups, and practice things like the Bradley method of childbirth. Sometimes I feel like when I go on about natural birth, those who didn't do it feel as though I am judging them, which I'm not. But still, I usually only talk to women who want to about the natural, intervention free childbirth process when they bring it up first.
Hopefully you've made it to the end. And also, if you read my blogs I am sure you notice a lot of grammatical errors... some of my computer keys don't work as well as the others so I have to go back and press really really hard to get certain letters to type. Also, my spellcheck isn't very smart and seems to miss some words. :(
So, I am not an idiot... just have an old keyboard and a lazy spellcheck.
Thanks for reading anyway!
Love,
Jackie
Friday, October 14, 2011
over sheltered child of God
This blog entry is kind of a 2 in 1. 1)I am "pro" sheltering the heck out of kids, and 2)finding the Lord in being at home.
Am I sheltering my children? Do you shelter your children?
In several places I think "shelter" has become a bad, bad word. What does the word shelter mean? Protect. Defend. Guard. Preserve. Watch over. Shield. Safeguard.
So far, so good. Until pop psychology comes in and tells us that we should allow our children to taste a little of the world in order to understand it or pray for it. One of the worst arguments I have ever heard(but not from anyone I know personally) for sending a kid to school is so that they can get used to the harsh "real" world. Seriously.
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. ~Psalm 61:3
For a year now I have been looking for acceptance and love in Christ. I have looked for it in others, in books, or in beholding Him. And then as I listened to my littlest thing, Thing 3, tell me he loved me this morning I knew it was from God. For a year I was so concerned with not placing my children before Christ, that I ended up placing a few things before my children.
I am going to keep sheltering them. I am going to walk in obedience to the Lord.
I prayed to the Lord for child a long time ago. I was a party girl and I was drunk. I had just come home from a fun night out with friends. As I was getting ready for bed in the early morning, I told God I was ready for a change. I was ready to have a family and be a mom. Of course I went to bed and the next night went out for drinks after work again! But less than a month later I became pregnant in a very unexpected circumstance.
I was not a mom type person, and I still might not be, but I love my kids much more than my own life.
Right now they come first. The Lord lives within me and to say that He comes first would be ridiculous because then I would also need to say things like "my lungs come first, and my brain comes first" since I also need those things to live. So, my kids come first. And it occurred to me last night as I talked with a friend that maybe this is why the Lord has me in such a lonely place... so I can spend the time on my husband, children, and home.
My Lord dwells in them and I have been searching for Him and not finding Him because I was not satisfied with pouring myself into my family at home. And by Him taking away most body life I have been overlooking the obvious... He wants me looking for Him right where I'm at. The Lord is sheltering me at home right now as I shelter my kids at home.
I like being given the time and the guidance to over-shelter my 3,5, and 7 year old. I like homeschooling and being able to spend all the time we need on what they need help with most. I like making education enjoyable for them. I know that they would hate school! They are too social to be able to sit in a desk surrounded by kids all day and not play or hang out with them. I like that I get to choose their friends. I like that I am able to provide each child the individual diet that helps their bodies work best. I like that we follow a Charlotte Mason philosophy in our daily life and in all we do.
I thank the Lord for sheltering me. Thank you Lord for over-defending me, for over-guarding me, and for keeping me safe at your side.
Thanks for reading,
Love,
Jackie
Am I sheltering my children? Do you shelter your children?
In several places I think "shelter" has become a bad, bad word. What does the word shelter mean? Protect. Defend. Guard. Preserve. Watch over. Shield. Safeguard.
So far, so good. Until pop psychology comes in and tells us that we should allow our children to taste a little of the world in order to understand it or pray for it. One of the worst arguments I have ever heard(but not from anyone I know personally) for sending a kid to school is so that they can get used to the harsh "real" world. Seriously.
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. ~Psalm 61:3
For a year now I have been looking for acceptance and love in Christ. I have looked for it in others, in books, or in beholding Him. And then as I listened to my littlest thing, Thing 3, tell me he loved me this morning I knew it was from God. For a year I was so concerned with not placing my children before Christ, that I ended up placing a few things before my children.
I am going to keep sheltering them. I am going to walk in obedience to the Lord.
I prayed to the Lord for child a long time ago. I was a party girl and I was drunk. I had just come home from a fun night out with friends. As I was getting ready for bed in the early morning, I told God I was ready for a change. I was ready to have a family and be a mom. Of course I went to bed and the next night went out for drinks after work again! But less than a month later I became pregnant in a very unexpected circumstance.
I was not a mom type person, and I still might not be, but I love my kids much more than my own life.
Right now they come first. The Lord lives within me and to say that He comes first would be ridiculous because then I would also need to say things like "my lungs come first, and my brain comes first" since I also need those things to live. So, my kids come first. And it occurred to me last night as I talked with a friend that maybe this is why the Lord has me in such a lonely place... so I can spend the time on my husband, children, and home.
My Lord dwells in them and I have been searching for Him and not finding Him because I was not satisfied with pouring myself into my family at home. And by Him taking away most body life I have been overlooking the obvious... He wants me looking for Him right where I'm at. The Lord is sheltering me at home right now as I shelter my kids at home.
I like being given the time and the guidance to over-shelter my 3,5, and 7 year old. I like homeschooling and being able to spend all the time we need on what they need help with most. I like making education enjoyable for them. I know that they would hate school! They are too social to be able to sit in a desk surrounded by kids all day and not play or hang out with them. I like that I get to choose their friends. I like that I am able to provide each child the individual diet that helps their bodies work best. I like that we follow a Charlotte Mason philosophy in our daily life and in all we do.
I thank the Lord for sheltering me. Thank you Lord for over-defending me, for over-guarding me, and for keeping me safe at your side.
Thanks for reading,
Love,
Jackie
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